Lessons from Job

When I lost my son Jonathan after a really painful fight with cancer I read Philip Yancey's book "Disappointment with God" and  was impacted with the response of a man described in the book to have sustained a good deal of suffering and loss. He was asked "What have you learned that might help someone else going through a difficult time?" He said he was never disappointed with God and I realized that I was not either, just shocked and confused. Here's what I learned from him and the book.

I've learned, first through my own losses, not to confuse God with life. I have been as upset about what has happened to me as anyone could be but I feel free to curse the unfairness of life and to vent all my grief and anger. But I believe God feels the same way about my hurt and suffering. He is also grieved and angry. I don't blame God for what has happened.

I have learned to see beyond the physical reality in this world to the spiritual reality. We tend to think "Life should be fair because God is fair." But God is not life. And if I confuse God with the physical reality of life - be expecting constant good health and no problems, no disasters - then I set myself up for a crashing disappointment. "God's existence even his love for me, does not depend on my good health or anyone else I love or earthquakes or disasters. Frankly, I've had more time and opportunity to work on my relationship with God during these times.

If we develop a relationship with God apart from our life crises', then we may be able to hang on when the physical reality breaks down. We can learn to trust God despite all the unfairness of life. Our relationship with God can transcend from some kind of a "deal" with God to being able to follow Him even in hardship.

If you read the Gospels you will find that Jesus never denied unfairness. When he encountered a sick person he never delivered a lecture about "accepting your lot in life." He healed. The Son of Man reacted to life's unfairness much like anybody else. When he met a person in pain, he was deeply moved with compassion. When his friend Lazarus died, he wept. When Jesus himself faced suffering, he recoiled from it, asking his Father three times if there was any other way.

God responded to the question of unfairness in this world not with words but with a visit - by His son. The Cross that held Jesus' body  naked and marked with scars, exposed all the violence and injustice and unfairness of this world. The Cross revealed what kind of world we have and what kind of God we have; a world of gross unfairness and a God of sacrificial love.

Even people who find physical healing eventually die. We need more than miracles in this world. We need a new heaven and a new earth, and until we have those, unfairness will not disappear.

In the first two chapters of Job there seems to be a "wager" made between God and Satan the devil whether Job - who was a righteous and upright man - would continue to trust in and  believe in God if he had everything taken away from him. All of the trauma Job will experience traces back to a kind of "bet" placed by two cosmic powers. When people experience pain, questions spill out - the very questions that tormented Job for most of the rest of the Book of Job. Why me? What's going on? Does God care? Is there a God? This one time, in the raw recounting of Job's suffering and losses we - the onlookers - not Job - are granted a view behind the scene to see the supernatural activity normally hidden from us. God is not on trial in this book. Job is. The point of this book is not Job's suffering: Where is God when it hurts? The first two chapters answered that. The point is faith. Where is Job when it hurts. How is he responding? Is his faith based on the right "thing."

"Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." -  Job 42:3

Why doesn't God Explain?

Commenting on the book of Job in the Bible, Frederick Buechner sums up God's speech to Job. "God doesn't explain. He explodes. He asks Job who he thinks he is anyway. He says that to try to explain the kind of things Job wants explained would be like trying to explain Einstein to a little neck clam . . . God doesn't reveal his grand design, He reveals Himself.

1. Perhaps God keeps us ignorant because enlightenment might not help us. Knowing the cause doesn't alleviate the suffering or the feelings of despair and abandonment we feel in a crises. Knowledge is passive, intellectual; suffering is active and personal. No intellectual answer will solve suffering. Jesus' coming to this earth did not "solve" human suffering but at least it was an active and personal response to our need. Sometime "hard and fast answers to all the "Why" questions are, quite simply, out of reach.

2. Perhaps God keeps us ignorant because we are incapable of comprehending the answer. The unseen world exists outside our range of perception.


Is God Silent?

If God had delivered an inspiring pep talk to Job - "Do this for me, Job, as a Knight of Faith and we can prove to the devil that you love and trust me" - Job would have done that gladly - probably - but Satan had challenged Job's faith and whether his faith could survive without any outside help or explanation. Job eventually was able to say "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in him." The kind of faith God values seems to develp best when everything fuzzes over and when God does stay silent.

Sometimes God silences are meant to show us what is in our heart. Many of the Old Testamenet characters show up on the honor roll of Hebrews 11 for their faith even they didn't always get what they wanted or died waiting for their answers. Saints become saints by somehow hanging on to the stubborn conviction that things are not as they appear, and that the unseen world is as solid and trustworthy as the visible world around them. God, as creator and sustainer of this world,  deserves our trust. The definition of faith in Hebrews is "Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen."

God's favorites, especially God's favorites, are not immune from the bewildering times when God seems silent. As Paul Tournier said, "Where there is no longer any opportunity for doubt, there is no longer any opportunity for faith either." The Bible includes many proofs of God's concern-some quite spectacular - but no guarantees. A guarantee would, after all, preclude faith.

Two Kinds of Faith

First - the childlike gulp of faith, when a person swallows the impossible. Childlike trust may not survive when the miracle does not come. Sometimes circumstances require a hang-on-at-any-cost type of faith. A faith that involves learning to trust that despite the silence, God still reigns and has not abandoned us. Sometimes our deepest faith sprouts at a point of contradiction, like a blade of grass between stones. Human beings grow by striving, working, stretching - we see to need problems more than solutions. Spiritual disciplines are designed primarily for our sakes not for God's. Shortcuts usually lead away from growth, not toward it. "Faith like Job's cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken."

We have little comprehension of what our faith means to God

Ever since the Fall in the Garden of Eden God has made enormous efforts to reach us for relationship and trust. Ever since God took the "risk" of making room for free human beings, faith - true, unbribed, freely offered faith - has had an intrinsic value to God that we can barely imagine. There is no better way for us to express love to God than by exercising trust in Him. According to the Bible, human beings serve as the principal foot soldiers in the warfare between unseen forces of good and evil; and faith is our most powerful weapon. Job saw the darkest side of life, heard the deepest silence of God, and still believed.

God did not exempt himself from the same demands of faith

Because of Jesus, God understands how I feel. In one sense, God tied his own hands in the wager over Job; in the most literal sense, He let His hands be tied the night of the Crucifixion. The powerful faith expressed in the New Testament by the followers of Jesus was based on the suffering death of Jesus and His resurrection. When God seemed most silent and absent during those events he was closer than ever and at work to accomplish our salvation. The pattern was tragedy, darkness, triumph! The evils and sufferings that afflict our lives are so real and so significant to God that he willed to share them and endure them himself!!!!

Despite the circumstances of this fallen and broken world God's Word tells us that "in all things we are more than conquerors" and that no amount of hardship can separate us from the love of God (Phillipians 3 and Romans 8)

In the midst of the suffering Job concluded that "God assails me and tears me in his anger." We know from the Bible account that Job was mistaken. The first two chapters of Job makes the important distinction that God did not personally cause Job's problems. He permitted them, yes, but the account of the Wager presents Satan, not God, as the instigator of Job's suffering. Far from being abandoned by God, Job was getting direct, almost microscopic scrutiny from Him. While Job was putting his case before God, sharing his hurt and anger he was actually participating in a trial of cosmic significance - he was the main witness in a test of faith.

By no means can we infer that our own trials are, like Job's, specially arranged by God to settle some decisive issue in the universe. But we can safely assume that our limited range of vision will, in similiar fashion, distort reality. Pain narrows vision. From Job, we can learn that much more is going on out there than we may suspect. If we can't comprehend the visible world we live in, how can we expect to comprehend a world we cannot even see?

We human beings instinctively regard the seen world as the "real" world and the unseen world as the "unreal". The Bible calls for the opposite. Through faith, the unseen world increasingly takes shape as the real world and sets the course for how we live in the seen world. In I Corinthians 15 Paul reminds us that we should "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

The Bible never belittles human pain or disappointment - after all Job's anguish there was restoration. What we feel now or experience now in this world is temporary. Our suffering and disappointment is itself, a sign, an aching, a hunger for something better. God has promised eternal life in His Son - not a guarantee of freedom from suffering and loss in this world. He is with us, He sees, He cares. Build your relationship with Him, trust Him.

An Undying Myth

A persistent myth circulates among spiritually attuned people. It claims if we follow God's purpose and vision for us, we always wind up living happily ever after. No pain or disappointment. Just smooth sailing toward the afterlife.

This myth persists because we want to believe it. We reason, "If God is good and perfect, can't He provide us with the good life? Doesn't He want to?

The answer on both counts is "yes". He provided this perfect life in the Garden of Eden, but we foiled the plan. Because of our choice to sin, even redeemed humanity can't know perfection until we reach heaven. We sense that somewhere perfection was possible, and we live with the desire but not the capability to acquire seamless lives.

Despite our wishes, Jesus said in the world we will experience trouble (John 16:33), and this trouble arrives in many forms. People say "Everything happens for a reason," but at times a justifiable cause is impossible to grasp.

One of our Purposes in Life is to learn to Trust God Through Suffering

"Through affliction He teaches us many precious lessons that otherwise we would never learn. By affliction He shows us our emptiness and weakness, draws us to the throne of His grace, purifies our affections, weans us from the world, and makes us long for heaven."  - J.C. Ryle

What is God after?  His desire to conform us to the image of Christ and His ways of doing this are certainly opposite of our ways and our thinking. Why must we endure affliction and what should our response be to suffering?

Endurance - "is not just the ability to beat or overcome a hard thing, but to turn it into something glorious"

Suffering is equally necessary for us because it strips away the pretense that life is reasonable and good, a pretense that keeps us looking in all the wrong places for the satisfaction of our souls.

Peter's first letter provides a helpful perspective on enduring trials and suffering. What truth's about God, His purpose in suffering, and our response to suffering can your find in 1 Peter 1:3-9?

Praise to God for a Living Hope  3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

"Perhaps the most valuable way we profit from adversity is in the deepening of our relationship with God. Through adversity we learn to bow before His sovereignty, to trush His wisdom, and to experience the consolations of His love, until we come to the place where we can say with Job, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." - Job 42:5 We begin to pass from knowing about God to knowing God Himself in a personal and intimate way." - Jerry Bridges

God grieves with us and cares deeply about our broken hearts. Often He does not eradicate a difficulty - at least not immediately - but abides with us through it, whether or not we sense His presence. He longs to comfort and heal us, turning our ashes into beauty, our mourning into joy, our weakeness into praise.  - Isiah 60: 1-3

What do the following verses say about God's presence and participation in our suffering?

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Matthew 28:20

"and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

John 14:16-17

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you."

II Corinthians 1:3-4

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

According to these verses, how does God comfort us?

Psalm 94: 17-19

17 Unless the LORD had given me help,
       I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.  18 When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
       your love, O LORD, supported me.

 19 When anxiety was great within me,
       your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Psalm 119:49-52

 49 Remember your word to your servant,
       for you have given me hope.  50 My comfort in my suffering is this:
       Your promise preserves my life.

 51 The arrogant mock me without restraint,
       but I do not turn from your law.

 52 I remember your ancient laws, O LORD,
       and I find comfort in them.

Isaiah 40:1 (These words were spoken to Isaiah) (What does God want us to do?)

Comfort, comfort my people,
       says your God.

John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Romans 15:4

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Jesus shares our suffering, He nurses us and heals us by His own wounds and stripes. As we go through our valleys, He keeps us constant company. And that is what makes the difference!

Read Psalm 60

You have rejected us, O God, and burst forth upon us;
       you have been angry-now restore us!  2 You have shaken the land and torn it open;
       mend its fractures, for it is quaking.

 3 You have shown your people desperate times;
       you have given us wine that makes us stagger.

 4 But for those who fear you, you have raised a banner
       to be unfurled against the bow.
       Selah

 5 Save us and help us with your right hand,
       that those you love may be delivered.

 6 God has spoken from his sanctuary:
       "In triumph I will parcel out Shechem
       and measure off the Valley of Succoth.

 7 Gilead is mine, and Manasseh is mine;
       Ephraim is my helmet,
       Judah my scepter.

 8 Moab is my washbasin,
       upon Edom I toss my sandal;
       over Philistia I shout in triumph."

 9 Who will bring me to the fortified city?
       Who will lead me to Edom?

 10 Is it not you, O God, you who have rejected us
       and no longer go out with our armies?

 11 Give us aid against the enemy,
       for the help of man is worthless.

 12 With God we will gain the victory,
       and he will trample down our enemies.

Written by King David in the Old Testament during a difficult battle. He expected victory and success just because he belonged to God but notice how clear he makes it that the outward crisis was matched by inward confusion and shock? Can you describe a time when your circumstances did not appear to line up with what you knew was true about God?

Read Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
       an ever-present help in trouble.  2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

 3 though its waters roar and foam
       and the mountains quake with their surging.
       Selah

 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
       the holy place where the Most High dwells.

 5 God is within her, she will not fall;
       God will help her at break of day.

 6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
       he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

 7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
       Selah

 8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
       the desolations he has brought on the earth.

 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
       he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
       he burns the shields [b] with fire.

 10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
       I will be exalted among the nations,
       I will be exalted in the earth."

 11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
       the God of Jacob is our fortress.
       Selah

"God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fail. God will help her at break of day. The nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall. He lifts His voice, the earth melts. The Almighty is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress. Be still and know that I am God."

Identity

Some things to contemplate until our Bible Study at October's Steering Meetings on this topic of Identity:

  * We were one of a kind before having children and still are
  * Our goal during motherhood is to find ourselves in this adventure
  * Every person has an outlook on the world and on life - a way of looking at things, valuing things, judging things. Our perspective is some thing which we have learned.
  * Our Identity determines the way we feel about ourselves, our hope for the future and how we develop our talents and skills
  * Motherhood - Remain clear about the fact that this season is only one part of a whole life
  * We have many years to continue to contribute to our children - are we developing ourselves?
  * To gain right perspective in our Identity as believers in God we need to go to the Word of God for insight.

Some questions to consider:

  * How has motherhood changed you?
  * As a child - what events and circumstances helped form you?
  * Which were the most significant influences?
  * What is the balance between who God made you to be as an individual and the responsibilities God has given you as a mother?
  * Read Ephesians 1:1-14 and circle "in Christ", "in Him", "in Himself", "in the Beloved" (who is Jesus), and "in whom"(when it refers to Jesus wherever they appear.

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus:
Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Spiritual Blessings in Christ

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory."

Think about what it means to be "in Christ." How would your being "in Christ" change the definition of who you are?

List 5 words to describe yourself besides being a believer in God.

If you have time and want to, write a short statement that explains how you see yourself as a woman not just a mom.

The Bible teaches that raising children is "kingdom" work - eternal work for God

Prayer:

"What will it require of me Lord, to nurture the emotional, physical and spiritual well being of my children? I ask You, how do You want to transform ME in this process?"

Read the following statements from the Bible and think about which ones mean the most to you.

I am significant, acceptable, and secure because I am not "just" a mother. I am a gift from God to His son Jesus.

  * Jesus thanks his Father God for the gift of me

John 17: 6, 24

"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word."

"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world."

  * I am God's handiwork

Ephesians 2:10

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

  * I am loved by God

Jeremiah 31:3

 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:
       "I have loved you with an everlasting love;
       I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

  * I am God's child

John 1:12

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God"

1 John 3:1-3

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure."

  * I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins

Colossians 1:14

" . . .in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

  * I am complete in Christ

Colossians 2:10

" . . .and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority."

  * I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be completed.

Philippians 1:6

" . . . being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

  * I am the salt of the earth

Matthew 5:13

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

  * I am the light of the world

Matthew 5:14

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

  * I am a branch of the true vine (Jesus) and a channel of his life

John 15:1, 5

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener."

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

  * I am a personal witness for Christ

Acts 1:8

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

  * I am God's temple (His dwelling place)

1 Corinthians 3:16

"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?"

  * I am a member of Christ's body (the church)

1 Corinthians 3:9

"For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building."

1 Corinthians 12:27

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it."

  * I am God's co-worker

1 Corinthians 3:9

"For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building."

2 Corinthians 6:1

"As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain."

  * I am a saint

Ephesians 1:1

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
      To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus: . . ."

  * I am a citizen of heaven

Ephesians 2:6

"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus . . ."

Philippians 3:20

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ . . ."

  * I am Christ's friend

John 15:15

"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

  * I am born of God

1 John 5:18

"We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him."

  * I am never alone

Hebrews 13:5

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
   "Never will I leave you;
      never will I forsake you."

  * I cannot be separated from the love of God

Romans 8:35

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"

  * I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (spiritual fruit from the good works we do in His name for others)

John 15:16

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."

  * I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

  * I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit

Ephesians 2:18

"For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit."

Motherhood can become a delight that we are able to share with our children, rather, than a demand we shoulder as best we can. When Jesus is Lord and Savior in our life we are able to accept our "Gift Identity". We are able to  reject the identities that come along with relationships, responsibilities, roles and objects - we can begin to live the Identity that we have been given by God as a free gift and as a result of our trust and faith in what He has done for us.

Ephesians 2:8-9

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

In the book of Isaiah 49:15-16

"See, I will not forget you . . . I have carved you on the palm of My hand. I have called you by your name. You are mine. You are precious to Me. I love you."

You are loved by God - that can be part of your identity!

Identity and Growth

Experiencing the Transformations of Motherhood

Of course a mother gives up a lot for her child: blood, sleep, tears, not to mention time, money, and peace of mind. But a mother must not feel obliged to give up herself. Not unless she wants to raise a motherless child."

The fact that we find mothering more difficult than we had imagined is a truth of the female experience that can be hard to talk about. Society's expectations of us and our own expectations of ourselves are so different from our actual experience.

  * We are handcrafted by God
  * We are uniquely made
  * We are transformed by Him as we trust in His sovereignty and receive the blessings He bestows on us through this experience of mothering,

It's not only that children in general are a blessing, but, that the specific children God sends to us are given as His blessings for our lives. It is quite a paradox to find that an area where we have struggled so deeply has become one of our deepest sources of joy and pride. Mothering requires us to confront levels of selfishness and pride that might have been otherwise left unchallenged.

The experience of being a mother has called us to new levels of faith and perseverance that might have otherwise gone unexplored. We get to see our character deficiencies surface as we relate to our children and it provides a great opportunity-not for failure-but for growth. Recognizing that God is the Source of our children's lives is foundational to understanding the magnitude and the privilege it is to be a parent and the growth it brings to us!

The original bad Self-image

The Bible tells us that Satan is the enemy of our souls. He does not wish for us to know who we really are and why we are here. He rebelled against the reason God created him. He was not created in God's image, as we are, he was to be an angel. He did not love nor accept himself as God loved and accepted him. He was not satisfied with himself at all and it was that sin of his that led our original mother, Eve, to question God's love for her and reasons for being created.

When Eve chose to leave the Garden of Eden- yes she did choose by her disobedience-she walked out with a shattered image. She was less than she was meant to be, because she chose to leave the Source and Maker of her life.

The sure foundation of self-esteem is the knowledge that before, during and after life with a husband, children, career or even a youthful and physically able body, we are created to reflect God's character, to love Him and have honest, intimate communications with Him. God's purposes for our lives include our roles, but go beyond those identities. As Christians our identity should be rooted in God's unconditional love for us. He has given us gifts and resources to make a unique contribution to our world. When we work in partnership with Him we bring Him honor as we become all He created us to be.

The School of Soul Care

Most of us would never neglect our bodies but with this shattered image we've inherited we suffer from the neglect of our souls. We experience much discontentment in so many areas during our mother experience. Perhaps we need to live as if Jesus cared for more than just our bodies. The School of Soul Care specializes in the everlasting and the unseen. As we build up our own souls we also contribute the best for our children. Our souls are not some ghostly things. They are who we are now.

I don't just have a soul, like I have curly hair; I am my soul. My soul is me- with all it's abilities and experiences, memories, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, introspections, desires, choices and sensations. All of these capacities make us the image bearers of God. Our thoughts become our soul's transportation. When a thought gets more evidence, it grows up and becomes a belief. Our beliefs become our worldview and dictate how we live our days.

Read 2 Corinthians 5: 17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Christ sets us free to be the "me" that God always wanted me to be.

Read Ephesians 2:13

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

Speaks of being "near" and "far away" because of our faith in Jesus.

  - Near what? Far away from what?
  - How do you go from being far away to being near?
  - What does being near mean when you are doing the everyday things of life?
  - When do you find yourself most near to God? Most far away?
  - What might help you stay near God more of the time?

Read 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

 7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[a]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

  - Why do you think Paul likens you to a clay jar?
  - What is the treasure he speaks of?
  - How are you "wasting away"? Physically, emotionally mentally? Other ways?
  - Those are outward things. What's happening to you inwardly because you are "in Christ"?
  - Where does Paul tell us to fix our eyes?
  - How does fixing your eyes on Jesus help you discover the person you really are?

Many of the people in your life define you by only one or two parts of the whole you. You may not see much of anything clearly right now but God's Word helps us have the assurance that, though we don't know everything fully-including yourself- you are fully known by God.





 

The Four Seasons of Marriage

Life is full of unanticipated changes. The manner in which couples process these changes will determine the quality of their marriages. The interweaving of our emotions, attitudes, and actions creates the quality of our relationship during any of these seasons of marriage. Emotions must lead to reason, and reason must be guided by truth if we are to take constructive action.

Winter - "Just as most people wouldn't lie down in the snow and wait to die, there's no reason to passively accept the coldness of a wintry season in marriage. There is always a way out, and it begins with hope."

Spring - "Change is perceived as an opportunity for new beginnings, and springtime couples fully expect to make the best of those opportunities."

Summer - "If our marriage is in the season of summer, we will share a deep sense of commitment and satisfaction. And we will feel secure in each other's love . . . Summer does not equal perfection, but it does mean that couples in this season have a sense of accomplishment and a desire to keep  growing."

Fall - "It takes both spouses to move a marriage from Fall to Spring, but it takes only one to move from Fall to Winter. The way we think and actions we take make all the difference."

The Essential Nature of Marriage - Committed, United, Intimate, Purposeful, Complementary. Husbands and wives were designed by God to complement each other. Our marriage relationship can enhance the effectiveness with which we serve God and raise our children.

Question - What brings most couples to the Winter season of Marriage?

Strategies to Enhance the Seasons of Your Marriage

1. Deal with past failures. Why is it important to look at our own failures first when dealing with past hurts

And the heavens proclaim his righteousness,
       for God himself is judge. - Psalm 50:6

O Lord, you took up my case;
       you redeemed my life.
You have seen, O LORD, the wrong done to me.
       Uphold my cause! - Lamentations 3:58-59

This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. - Zechariah 7:9

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. - Matthew 7:2-5

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?

But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God "will give to each person according to what he has done."To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. - Romans 2:1-7

It isn't always easy to let go of hurts; in fact, sometimes it's very difficult. Love, however, "keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5)

2. Choose A Winning Attitude

"The most common mistake couples make is allowing negative emotions to dictate their behavior" True or False?  Discuss

Circumstances are neutral - or at least common. It's not what happens to us but how we interpret them. True or False? Discuss

Characteristics of a Christian Worldview

Every human being is made in the image of God and is therefore extremely valuable.

Each person is uniquely gifted by God (including the mentally and physically challenged)

Each person has a unique role to play in life

Marriage is God's idea. Husbands and wives are intended to complement each other.

The object of marriage is to glorify God by serving one's spouse and helping the spouse reach his or her God-given potential.

How do you think these characteristics foster a positive attitude?

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. - Romans 14:17-19

How can these verses be applied to marriage?

3. Maximize Your Differences

"After 30 years of counseling married couples, I am convinced there are no irreconcilable differences, only people who refuse to reconcile . . . When each spouse recognizes and affirms the other's uniqueness, the differences themselves weld the couple into an unbeatable team."


Four Steps to Maximize Your Differences
  * Identify your differences
  * Look for assets in your differences
  * Learn from your differences
  * Replace condemnation with affirmation

Think about what irritates you about your spouse in an area where you are different. Why do these things irritate you?  What differences do these irritations reveal?

In most cases, the reason we get irritated is because your spouse doesn't do something the way you would do it. How does this idea correspond to our human tendency to be egocentric?

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. - Romans 14:19

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29

And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. - 2 Timothy 2:24

Discuss how these truths offer wisdom for maximizing our differences.

Emotions make " . . . wonderful servants, but terrible masters"  - Dallas Willard

"And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. - Colossians 3:10-17

We might know that Jesus can make all things new, but perhaps we haven't trusted him for it. If we feel alone, perhaps we haven't fully seen the power we have been given and the Man on the journey with us.

"I asked Jesus to transform the abused, embarrassing, dishonest understanding I had of submission. I asked Jesus to show me how He would submit. And He redeemed the idea for me, not by removing the task, but by showing me how God is made great when I bend my knee" -from Ruby Slippers by Jonalyn Grace Fincher

 Hope and the Adventure of Motherhood

Sometimes we live without really living, don't we? It doesn't always take a major blow like divorce, death, infertility or infidelity to steal our passion and joy. Daily life can overwhelm us with never-ending tasks, our unreasonable expectations for ourselves, others and our circumstances can keep us from enjoying each moment. When we focus on all the things that threaten to consume us, we fail to see and appreciate what has been given to us.

Imagine a winding cluster of concrete walkways. In the midst of harsh, gray, a tiny purple flower spring through a crack in the cement. We quite easily see the concrete jungle - it dominates the scene. But to discover the little bit of life, pushing its way up in the midst of such opposition, is indeed inspiring.

  * Think about your life. If this scene were a reflection of your life, what would the concrete and flower represent?

  * What do you choose to see on a daily basis? Does the concrete dominate your vision, or do you allow yourself to be inspired by the flower?

Whether you look for the flower amidst the concrete, or are so overwhelmed you can't see anything at all, Jesus wants to open our eyes to a more beautiful and hopeful reality.

Read Mark 8:22-26

The Healing of a Blind Man at Bethsaida

 22They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?"

 24He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around."

 25Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 26Jesus sent him home, saying, "Don't go into the village.[a]"

  * How did the blind man find Jesus? (v. 22)
  * Jesus healed the blind man in an unusual way. What was the very first thing that Jesus did? (v. 23)
  * In some ways, we are all blind. What do you think it means for Jesus to lead you away to restore your sight?
  * What was the next unusual thing Jesus did to the blind man's eyes and what did He ask the blind man? (v. 23)
  * What was the blind man's response? (v. 24)
  * How did God respond to the blind man's honesty? (v. 25)
  * What do you think the Lord wants to do for you? (v. 25)

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him." - Isaiah 64:4

"If our waiting begins by quieting the activities of daily life, and being still before God; if we bow and seek to see God in His universal and almighty operation; if we yield to Him in the assurance that He is working and will work in us; if we maintain the place of humility and stillness and surrender until God's Spirit has stirred up in us confidence that He will perfect His work, our waiting will indeed become the strength and the joy of the soul."   - Andrew Murray, The Believer's Secret of Waiting on God

In our fast-paced, "microwave society, waiting seems entirely out of date and a waste of time. The dictionary gives some interesting definitions for the word wait. It comes from the Old English word to watch, which according to Webster's has these meanings: to stay in place in expectation of; to look forward expectantly; to be ready and available; to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized. Waiting on God and hoping in Him are strong biblical principles and very important in understanding how I am to live my life according to God's ways. If I want His purpose accomplished in my life, than I will learn the discipline of waiting on God and experience the joy that only hope can bring.

  * Read the following Psalms and discover the benefits of waiting and, what the psalmist was waiting for the Lord to do.

Psalms 25: 3-5

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 33: 16-22

 16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

 17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
 despite all its great strength it cannot save.

 18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

 19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

 20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

 21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

 22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
 even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 40:1-3

 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

 3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 62:5-8

 5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

 7 My salvation and my honor depend on God [a] ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

 8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

To wait and hope are closely related and often interchangeable in Scriptures. Waiting seems to be a measure of our hope. While in captivity Jeremiah wrote some wonderful words in Lamentations 3:21-25

". . . my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail, They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him. The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him.'"

As Andrew Murray said in the quote God wants us to "maintain the place of humility and stillness and surrender" in the place we find ourselves on a daily basis. What other way could God encourage us and teach us to totally depend on His guidance, His way, His timing? How else could we really learn that our hope was in Him and not just our abilities.

The waiting on God to reveal His purposes in us is so essential to comprehending His purpose for us. The reality of God's presence is not dependent on any place we are in at any given day, but only dependent upon our determination to set the Lord always before us.

We don't need to know exactly where we are going - just whom we are following.

"The height of the mountaintop is measured by the dismal drudgery of the valley . . . It is in the place of humiliation that we find our true worth to God - that is where our faithfulness is revealed."  - Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest