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For thousands of years the view of motherhood described in the Bible was generally respected in Western culture. Motherhood was seen as a noble and important calling. Women considered themselves blessed to bear many children, and it was considered normal and good for home and family to be the central focus of a woman’s life.
American culture has dramatically redefined the role of motherhood. Somehow, over the course of the last century, traditional motherhood has become a lifestyle option.- and to many, a lesser option – rather than a divine calling. There are so many opinions coming at women today who consider raising children. Some say, “The most important thing you can do with your life is invest it in your children. Their lives are more important than building a career!” Some say, “Don’t let your children control your life! It would be a waste of your time and experience to focus too much on your children.” Or “Don’t have more children. It will take up to much of your time.” There are so many conflicting views of motherhood and womanhood itself. CALLED TO MOTHERHOOD? God designed motherhood to be a deeply meaningful role. We mothers have the opportunity to influence our children in so many ways but we have a special opportunity to influence them for eternity by building a spiritual legacy in their lives. The real ability of a mother to secure such a spiritual legacy is based on the strength of the relationship she builds with her child. As we tenderly care for our children we are also anchoring their hearts to our home, our values, and our beliefs. These ties are built over a period of many years, through the small ways we spend the minutes of each day and the large ways in which we celebrate the momentous events of our lives. The heart of each child is a treasure chest. A mother’s relationship with her child is one that will encompass a lifetime, We can still hear the voices of our own mothers as we raise our children. Because we are privileged to be able to bear children God expects us to tenderly care for them and longs for us to partner with Him in leading our children to know and love His Word and to follow learn to follow His will in this world. This design doesn’t mean I have to lose myself in my children’s lives. On the contrary, following God’s design for living is the true key to finding myself – to becoming the person He had in mind for me to become as I lead them on their journey thru life. To embrace the mission of motherhood requires that I understand God and His design for life. God’s design provides a completeness to the circle of life. It is a design that was intended to give all children the opportunity to be lovingly nurtured so they could live their own lives well. It is not simply – a lifestyle choice. Bible Verses: II Timothy 1:5 - “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” II Timothy 3:14-15 - “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” Acts 16:1-3 - “He came to Derbe (Paul did) and then to Lystra, where a disciple named Timothy lived, whose mother was a Jewess and a believer, but whose father was a Greek. The brothers (other believers in Christ) at Lystra and Iconium spoke well of him. Paul wanted to take him along on the journey, so he circumcised him because of the Jews who lived in that area, for they all knew that his father was a Greek.” After reading these passages, fill in your conclusions about Lois and Eunice and their hearts for Timothy: * Lois and Eunice were more interested in ________________________ than external appearances. * Lois and Eunice thought more about eternal life than _________________________ * Timothy’s mother and grandmother must have talked often about a relationship with ______________________ * Lois and Eunice used the _______________________ to teach Timothy * Timothy’s mother and grandmother taught him that living a __________________________ * (II Timothy 1:9) was more important than any sort of personal comfort or gain. Review the five statements. Circle those that already describe your mothering. Underline those you need to work on as a mother. Now write three statements that you long for your own children to be able to say about you when they are grown: MomSense Definitions: A Mom’s intuition combined with Common Sense = MomSense Intuition is something a woman brings to mothering. Something that is often not really learned – just known. A 6th sense, or just a gut feeling. Common Sense is using good sense and sound judgment in practical matters. Sometimes common sense incorporates a mom’s intuition, but it is also something she can learn and improve upon to establish her mothering skills. “Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius” by George Bernard Shaw 1. Do you think you have a high level of commonsense? Why or why not? 2. How do you use your common sense in your mothering? 3. At this stage in your mothering journey, describe how comfortable you feel relying on a combination of your intuition and common sense - or – MomSense 4. What do you think makes mothering a learning process? 5. What have you discovered so far – and what are you still hoping to learn? Proverbs 16:22 “Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it….” We spend so much time talking about the “how to” of parenting that we neglect the equally important “why” of parenting. This is unfortunate because the “why” eventually drives and even shapes the “how to”. With the wrong “why” our motivation will can get skewed and while the “how to” may be effective, it’ll be effectively wrong! Read a condensed version of the story in MomSense on pages 24-26. God had a design in mind when He created the family. When we follow His game plan and His directions we can emerge more productive and flourishing. Read Psalm 127:1 “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” In the OT the word “house” is often used to express the same concept as the English words family or home. 6. According to this verse, what is the secret to the success of a godly family? Our Theme verse is II Timothy – “For God does not give the spirit of fear, but the spirit of power, love and a sound mind.” The Apostle Paul wrote these words to a young man named Timothy because he was young but he wanted him to take his place because he knew he was going to be martyred for Christ’s sake. In II Timothy 1:1-15 Paul speaks of the “sincere faith” of Timothy’s mother – Eunice and his grandmother – Lois as also being in him. Timothy’s mother and grandmother instilled in him a love and respect for the Scriptures and planted in his heart a desire to minister to others. Read Acts 16:1-5. What do these verses tell you about Timothy’s family” _________________ Who doesn’t participate in Timothy’s spiritual life? ___________________________________ How might this be an encouragement to some of you? _________________________________ What kind of faith did Timothy witness in his mother and grandmother? See II Timothy 1:5 ___ _____________________________________________________________________________ What kind of traits are involved in “sincere faith” when given by God? Look at our theme verse in II Timothy 1:7 _______________________________________________________________ Read II Timothy 3:14-15. What played an important role in Timothy’s mother’s and grandmother’s life? How can this also play a significant role in your life as a mother? Timothy’s life of faith did not begin in a vacuum. God pointedly reveals the powerful influence of Timothy’s mother and grandmother. If you read the passages about Timothy with an open heart, you’ll see what changed his life - and can change yours and can change the people you love. The encouragement to be found in the story of Timothy is that Timothy’s mother and grandmother powerfully influenced his life by their real faith – not by their perfect homes, beautiful wardrobes, or many accomplishments, but by their real faith. Next time you’re feeling guilty about all the things you aren’t or don’t do as a mother, remember Lois and Eunice. Concentrate on what’s most important – living a life of faith in front of your children. Where can you find the power to begin? Read II Thessalonians 2:16-17 “May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word”. And Psalm 42:11 speaks of “hoping in God”. When we say “I hope” we often mean we would like but are uncertain. The “hope” the bible speaks of is a term of expectancy. Hope in God is a call to an active faith which expects God to act. Our theme verse tells of things God promises to give us in this role He designed us for so we can expect that help.
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Memory Verse for the Year: II Timothy 1:7 –“ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.”
Read II Timothy 1:1-7 1. “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus, 2. To Timothy, my dear son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. 3. I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. 4. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. 5. I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. 6. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (sound mind).” Introduction to Context: The writer of II Timothy was writing from prison in Rome and the person he’s writing to is in Asia Minor (what is now western Turkey) Paul had been to this area two times before, preaching the good news about Jesus. During one of his visits the mother and grandmother of the young man he was writing to had responded to his message. The writer knew the young man he was writing to and was looking for someone he could entrust his message to. The writer of this letter was a strong passionate man but understood that we all have different personalities but the same message to share. The women in this passage Lois and Eunice were Jewish. One a grandmother and probably a widow by now living with her daughter, Eunice who was married to a Greek. These women were far from their homeland. According to tradition, it would have been illegal for a Jewess to marry a Gentile (Greek) and it is assumed that she probably married him when she wasn’t practicing her own Jewish faith. It is believed that Lois (the grandmother) knew her Old Testament Scriptures well but both these women had probably responded to the message of this writer on his first visit – believing and rejoicing in the fact that Jesus was the Messiah they had been waiting for and raised their son/grandson, in this new found faith. “Men are what their mothers make them” by Ralph Waldo Emerson “Mothers write on the hearts of their children what the rough hand of the world cannot erase” As a mother increases her own faith, she fashions an opportunity to leave a legacy of faith in her children. Questions: 1. Who is writing this letter? 2. Who is he writing to? 3. In verse 1 what is the writer’s role? And, who does he believe gave him that role? 4. How do you see your role right now? 5. Do you see your role as God-given? 6. In verse 2 How does Paul describe his relationship to Timothy? (what does he call him)? 7. What does Paul wish for Timothy? 8. In verse 3 How often does Paul pray for Timothy? 9. In verse 5 How does Paul describe Timothy’s faith? 10. Where does Paul say Timothy acquired his faith? 11. What kind of challenges do you think these two women had in raising Timothy to be a young man of strong faith? 12. In verse 6 Why do you think Paul tells Timothy he has to “fan into flame (or stir up) the gift of God living in him? What kind of fears might we have as we work together here in MOPS? 1. Speaking in front of others? 2. Confrontations and Problem resolutions 3. Problem solving 4. Looking or sounding foolish 5. Fear of rejection 6. Issues we have in our own families: children’s behavior and health, finances, relationships 14. What does God say He gives us according to Paul? Timothy followed Paul into sharing the good news of who Jesus was and what He did and they changed the world. Your children might not change the world but you will give them the greatest gift for life when they are solidly rooted in their belief that there is a God who knows and loves them. Teaching and Learning is one of the major themes of this last letter from Paul to Timothy. One of the most challenging tasks of our faith is to maintain and teach that faith to our children – NOT just in an institutionalized way, but in meaningful ways that each generation can grasp. Instructions are offered, not just in Bible truths and teachings, but of what life in Christ should be and is. ( In II Timothy 2:2 Paul continued to give instructions for passing truth from one generation to another.) 1. What we consider teaching in the 21st century and what Paul meant are two different things? In the 21st Century “education means “school”. 2. The Random House Dictionary defines education as “the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally, of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life. 3. In our society teaching is imparting knowledge and processing information.. 4. Learning is acquiring knowledge and using information. This year’s theme is MomSense – something very different than just acquiring and processing information Mom Intuition + Common Sense = Mom Sense Mom Intuition is something a woman brings to mothering, something that is often not really learned – just known, but more God-given, - a hunch, an inkling, a 6th sense or a gut feeling. Common Sense is using good sense and sound judgment in practical matters. Sometimes common sense incorporates a mom’s intuition, but it is also something we can learn and improve upon to establish her mothering skills. A woman develops her reliance on the combination of her intuition and commonsense as she grows into her role as mother – as she becomes the confident, reliable, secure, loving mother her children need. “Men are what their mother’s make them” by Ralph Waldo Emerson “Mothers write on the hearts of their children what the rough hand of the world cannot erase.” Author unknown As a mother increases her own faith, she fashions an opportunity to leave a legacy of faith in her children. Timothy followed Paul into sharing the good news of who Jesus was and what He did and they changed the world. Your children might not change the world but you will give them the greatest gift for life when they are solidly rooted in the belief that there is a God who knows them and loves them. DEFINITIONS FOR II TIMOTHY 1:7 II Timothy 1:7 “For God does not give us the spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (or sound mind)” “Spirit of fear” refers to “the inner qualities” or spiritual character developed in us by the presence of God in us through the Holy Spirit once we invite him in. The spirit given to us is NOT one of fearfulness. Fear – There is always a strong correlation between anything in the Christian life and what goes on in our mind when we have fear. If we think about our own weakness and limitations fear may grow so we begin to think we can’t do anything. There is a close connection between your mind and what you think about, and actually being able to live a life of faith. God’s love enables us to hear, believe hope and endure through His presence and strength. - Fear within exaggerates the causes of fear without. -We don’t need to accept what God has NOT given (fear) but rather humbly receive and live in - what God has given – power, love and a sound mind -Fear and timidity will keep you from using the gifts God has given you to touch people in this needy world and to fulfill your role as a mom. He wants you to take His power, His love and His calm thinking to overcome your fears so you can be used by Him, being enabled to use your gifts and talents with confidence as you seek to fulfill your role as woman, mother and here in MOPS. - Boldness matters. God’s purpose for you is more than making money, being entertained, being comfortable. He has purpose for you. Power – The spirit of power, given by God, includes the ability to bear up, triumph over. To have courage to endure (late nights with small children or going the extra mile in your responsibilities to MOPS, knowing you are serving other women who are in need at this season of their lives). A courage inspired by God to do what He has designed you to do. - His power enables - The spirit and courage of resolution to meet dangers and difficulties - When we are doing God’s work we are in a safe place in His hands and given all we need to accomplish what we were designed to be. Mothering is God’s work. - Aggressive energy in face of difficulty which overcomes any weaknesses and enables one to work, endure and even suffer (are these not sometimes the down side of our job as mothers?)
Love - The spirit of love is what is given by God to raise, except and care for those under our influence. - The spirit of love tells us a lot about the kind of power God gives. NOT the power to control but the power to love and serve others. (The night before Jesus went to the Cross, he spent his time with his disciples and in John 13:1-11 it says “….Jesus knowing that his Father had given all things into his hands…washed the disciples feet”) That takes a special kind of love and power. It is a humble kind of love – a sacrificial kind of love. We don’t have the power to always love that way without God. Sound Mind - The Greek word here means a person with a sober mind, one with direction. A mind well balanced and under right influences (God’s). A mind that can see things in their just proportions and relations. A disciplined mind. No need to be feverish or anxious. The word used also means quietness of mind – Calmness! Our theme this year is MomSense. God does not give us “the spirit of fear” to be mothers, but the spirit of power, love and a sound mind along with MomSense. Mom Intuition + Common Sense = MomSense Mom Intuition – Something a woman brings to mothering. Something that is often not really learned - just known. A hunch, an inkling, a 6th sense, or just a gut feeling. Common Sense – It’s using good senses and sound judgment in practical matters. Sometimes common sense incorporates a mom’s intuition, but it is also something we can learn and improve upon to establish her mothering skills. A woman develops her reliance on the combination of her intuition and common sense as she grows into her role as mother. As she becomes the confident, reliable, secure, loving mom her children need. Her confidence grows as she sees her role as God-given and empowered. Teaching and learning in one of the major themes of Paul’s last writings to Timothy. One of the most challenging tasks of our faith is to maintain and teach that faith to our children. NOT just in an institutionalized way, but in meaningful ways that each generation can grasp. - What we consider teaching in the 21st Century and what Paul meant are two different things. In the 21st Century “education” means “school”. - The Random House Dictionary defines education as “the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally, of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life. - In our society teaching is imparting knowledge and processing information.
- Learning is acquiring knowledge and using information.
As a mother increases her own faith, she fashions an opportunity to leave a legacy of faith in her children. Her knowledge and information become a life lived and empowered by God.
GOD’S BIG IDEA: YOU!
Psalm 139 The first essential element for successful outcomes with our children involve our core – which is about knowing and growing ourselves. Understanding and working with our unique temperament, experiences and emotions in a way that develops resilience. Having a resilient core allows us to be more likely to raise a child with a strong, resilient core. Resilience is the ability to recover or adjust easily to change or misfortune. Motherhood is a crash course in self-discovery. Right from the start we’re wired with a certain temperament, a distinct nature and character foundational to our core and so are our children. We come to motherhood already shaped by our genes, life experiences, and emotional makeup. We all bring both strengths and weakness to this experience as well as our expectations. We are introverts or extroverts, people or task-oriented, practical or abstract thinkers. We are being shaped alongside our children. God is at work in us and our children. IF we learn to parent by making decisions based on prayer and listening to God’s leading, our motherhood experience becomes a practice of spiritual formation through which God is active and present. Would God, who so carefully designed the hands that shape children, put any less care into the design and strengthening of a mother’s core? Your temperament, your experiences and how you shape them, your emotional reactions, your passions, and your sense of humor – everything about you was put together with a purpose. "For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb." –Psalm 139:13 When God knitted you together in your mother’s womb, He knew you would one day mother at a particular time, in a particular situation, and, most importantly, with a particular child or children. When He promises that He will take care of everything you need, He isn’t excluding what you need to mother your child well. God has and is giving you all that you need to do this job. We are known by many names and nicknames by the people who love us. Well, God has names too that help reveal who He is. Just some are found in the Psalms: A Shield (3:3), My King (5:2), Most High (9:2), A Refuge (14:6), A Rock (18:2), A Fortress (18:2), A Deliverer (18:2), A Shepherd (23:1), The Lord Almighty (24:10), A Savior (25:5), and A Light (27:1). The most incredible issue here is that God wants a relationship with us. He sent His Son here to live and die for us to make this possible. He sends us an invitation to be in relationship with Him, despite the fact that He really knows us as we really are! It is not possible to live perfectly in our roles as mothers or women but it is possible to experience a relationship with God and His love. Anywhere we go, God sees, knows and guides. So we can lead – and love – knowing God will get us through all the hard spots, all our decisions, all our roles, all our times we can’t hold open our eyelids and the times we’re bursting with joy. God’s hand guides us as we guide our children. 
Read Proverbs 16:2-4 in the Message 2 Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; God probes for what is good. 3 Put God in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place. 4 God made everything with a place and purpose; even the wicked are included—but for judgment.
This seasons of Motherhood can involve fatigue and weariness. Overwork can lead to resentment if we feel of appreciation. If we feel inadequate we can become weary. When we become anxious and captivated with the tasks at hand we can also forget to take care of ourselves. Faithfulness Brings More Peace than Successfulness What we need to make spiritual, emotional and psychological peace with motherhood is not to compare out “To Do” lists with those of our husbands or of other moms, but to adjust our inner selves – our spiritual perspectives. The first thing that needs adjustment is our understanding of success. The glorification of success has caused more than one good mother can be failure to another. Mother Teresa said “We are called upon not to be a successful but to be faithful.” Her words remind us that when we receive a calling from God, like motherhood, we must approach it from a spiritual perspective not a success perspective. If we wish to move toward our goal of achieving and maintaining peace with God's call to motherhood, we must resist the temptation to evaluate ourselves by the measure of success that the world dangles before us. Success will never truly satisfy, but obedience to God's biblical will and His special call to motherhood will enable, empower, energize and satisfy us. Look at the Diagram of a young girl seeking to balance herself by finding her center of gravity. When Jesus Is Our Center of Gravity This is a word picture of what it is like to find our spiritual balance when we are family-centered, home-based moms. It is most important that Jesus be at the center in order for us to enjoy peaceful, balanced mothering. He is the ballast around which we continuously poise and counterpoise our spiritual virtues or “shift our spiritual weight” in order to press forward fulfillment of God's will. How would you explain what we see in this diagram?
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Read Psalms 37:7 in the Message and 1 Timothy 6:6 Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him. Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top. - Psalms 37:7 “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” - 1 Timothy 6:6
Are you faithful by this definition? Read what the Bible says about God's faithfulness Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Laminations 3:22-24 “Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The figure in our Diagram has a goal – it is not to stand still on the log, but to move forward. It is the same with this season of motherhood. Our goal is to move forward in helping our children and ourselves grow in healthy, balanced directions. Philippians 1;6 says, “I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” God has a plan and you are a part of it. Whether you are being called to initiate new activities, to drop old ones, or to be content with the current activities and circumstances as part of that plan; be confident, the Scriptures tell you that God will complete the plan. With Jesus as your center of gravity, faithfulness as your guide, and initiative and contentment held in balance, you will move forward in peace. Which of these three virtues is the most difficult for you? Why? Read Romans 12:1-2 in the Message “So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” Read Romans 12:1 & 2 in the Message
Romans 12:1-2 (The Message) Romans 12 Place Your Life Before God 1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. II Corinthians 9:12 - “This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also over flowing in many expressions of thanks to God.” One of the purposes of life – To contribute and add something worthwhile – We all want to feel our life has significance and value. During this season of Motherhood that is still crucial to being able to hang in there through the challenges of each day. The Apostle Paul told the believers in the church in Galatia “through love serve one another”. We need to learn to love ourselves as well as love others. Need to grasp how much we are loved and valued by God so we can be an extension of His will within our families. To Serve is “to attend to, minister to, care for, help, be of use, assist, benefit, promote, support, make easy for, nourish, encourage. BIG JOB. The Book of Ecclesiastes asked us to consider: Learning without God ultimately leads to Cynicism (1:7-8) 7 All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again. 8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. Greatness without God ultimately leads Sorrow (1:16-18) 16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. 18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. Pleasure without God ultimately leads Disappointment (2:1-2) 1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" Labor without God ultimately leads Hatred of Life (2:17) 17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Philosophy without God ultimately leads Emptiness (3:1-9) 1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. 9 What does the worker gain from his toil? Life without God ultimately leads to Depression (4:2-3) 2 And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. 3 But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun. Religion without God ultimately leads to Meaninglessness (5:7) 7 Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. Wealth without God ultimately leads to Trouble (5:12) 12 The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep. Existence without God ultimately leads to Frustration (6:12) 12 For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone? Within hours of birth, a mother and child are able to begin a rudimentary system of communications and response. This system of communication and response starts with the baby's first cry. A mother's natural sensitivity to her child enables her to interpret those cries and her motherly love prompts her to respond to her child's needs. Emotional reactions act on cue to the stimulus. They are void of thoughtful planning or long-ranged discernment. As time goes by a mother needs to learn and teach a love that is based on the knowledge of what is best for a child from God's perspective. This kind of love is mental, not emotional. It requires thinking about what is beneficial for the child's future, and is based on what a child needs in order to grow into a mature, stable adult. What is it going to take for us to raise our children to understand what is needed for life if we don't understand God's plan and purpose for what are you doing? What kind of adults do you want your children to become? How does a woman minister to the whole of society when she trains her children well? What are some of the results if a woman's ministry and interests outside the home become more important than her ministry at home? Read Proverbs 3: 1-8 “1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. 3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. [a] 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. 8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:1 – What does the mother admonish here? What is her teaching based on? Are her instructions based on the child's current comfort or future well-being? In Proverbs 3:2 – What does it say God promises if her teaching is followed? What does she further instruct her son in verse 3? What is her long-ranged purpose for her teaching in verse 4? Further instructions are given in verses 5-8. What is she mindful of by giving these instructions to her son? Everyone lives under some influence. That influence determines the way we will think and react to life. Important question: Where do you get your way of thinking and choosing? Important questions: Where do you get your way of thinking and choosing? Words determine the way we think and feel, the way we think and feel determine our attitudes. Attitudes determine our actions, decisions and habits. Habits create character = who we are. Again . . . we have a big job as mothers . . . to love ourselves properly and see ourselves as God sees us . . . well loved and worth dying for and to love our children not just with emotion but also with a mental ability to see what will be best for them and their future. Romans 12:1-2 “1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Tell us that our everyday job can be offered to God as worship when we do it according to His will. In verse 2 it says “We must be conformed to the world but transformed from it”. Two very difficult words are used here. Conform – the root word applies to the outward form and varies like how you change with the years or from day to day or when you change your cloths. It is continuously altering. The word transform – means the essential unchanging shape or element of something. We are not the same at 17 as we are at 70 on the outside but we can be changed on the inside. Left to ourselves we can dominated by our sin nature but in Christ our essential person can be changed. We can teach our children that if they allow Christ into their lives they can be less self-centered and more God-centered. Romans 12 teaches that this happens by the renewing of our minds. Our future and the future of our children depends on them learning to discover in God's Word all they will need to direct them into good choices and stable living – despite whatever this world will throw their way. Balanced Living
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and “Love your neighbor as yourself” This is indeed a command of Jesus' but it helps to know the definition of this word “neighbor” as He meant it to be used. The real definition from neighbor is “near dweller”, not “all humanity.” What this means is that our duty is to love those with whom we are effectual contact those we can really do something about. Usually they will be those in physical proximity to us. We are to love God, our neighbor, AND ourselves.
God has already proven His love for us – He has chosen us, forgiven us and lives with us through His Holy Spirit when we invite Him to be Lord of our lives. The Bible gives a wonderful definition of love in I Corinthians 13:4-7. This is the love passage that we often hear at weddings and in sermons on loving others. What if we were to consider loving ourselves by this definition? "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Do you love yourself? Are you patient and gentle and kind with yourself? Do you easily let go of your mistakes and wrongs, or do you keep a strict record and punish yourself severely in your thinking? Do you trust yourself enough to persevere always? Or are you continually doubting, berating, condemning yourself? Read I Corinthians 13:4-7. Reflect on how well you apply each principle to loving yourself? Are you content with yourself during this season of motherhood? Are you considerate to your needs and humble enough to admit that you are what you are, even if you do fail at times to be all you want to be and realize that God calls you – as His creation -good? Read Ephesians 4:32. How might this verse relate to loving yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do you forgive yourself when you have set backs in your mothering? "32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Read Psalm 103: 8-12. Do you talk down to yourself? Do you easily get mad at yourself or remember all of your mistakes? How should the truth of these verses change your attitude toward yourself? " 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." It is good to remember that God loves us and wants us to love ourselves as He has made us to be. We were designed to be God pleasers, not people pleasers. Having a life out of balance – due to anger or frustration caused by the stress and strain of unmet expectations and the demands on our lives during this season of motherhood – can be a symptom of being out of balance in our relationship with God. God wants to be our center of gravity as we function on this planet – especially in our role as mother. Our only hope of finding true and lasting fulfillment is in our relationship with God. He will show us how to find time for the important, not merely the urgent, and He gives meaning to all that the seems meaningless on the Planet Earth. Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. “There is a time and season for everything under the sun.” "1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." The Book of Ecclesiastes is a book of contrast between two very different outlooks on life- either acknowledging and depending on God, or failing to do so. Failing to honor God is what the author means when he uses expressions like “under the sun”, “on earth” and “under heavens.” Life lived on this planet without God is full of pain, toil, disillusionment and sadness. By contrast, living life in relationship to God is to live by the “hand of God” (2:24) which leads to harmony and joy (2:26, 3:13, 5:19). The words “I”, “me”, “my” and “myself” appear more than forty times in Ecclesiastes 2: 1-11 alone. This says a lot about the lifestyles we see around us and the pressure we live with – a lifestyles self-gratification. "1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. 4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem [a] as well—the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Is there a better way? This book suggest that the real value in life can be found in fearing God (12:13) and honoring Him in the simple, basic “stuff” of life, such as work and family (2:24, 3:22, 5:18, 8:15) One way to evaluate ourselves to ask: In the midst of all my pursuits during this season of my life, whose life is enhanced by what I am about and giving my time to? Read Ecclesiastes 3:14 – At first glance this verse looks like nothing we do will matter because God's will ultimately will be done. But, that perspective forgets that God has chosen to do things through us as human beings. Even during this season of motherhood we can be God's agents of His power and purposes in our lives, our children and our family and friends. We are not puppets nor are we to be parasites of His love and grace. He is calling us into an intimate relationship with Him. All of our goals, dreams and skills can be used for His great designs. - We are the beneficiaries! "14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." The Book of Ecclesiastes asks us to consider: Without God Ultimately leads to: Learning - Cynicism (1:7-8) "7 All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again. 8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing." Greatness Sorrow (1:16-18) "16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." 17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. 18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." Pleasure Disappointment (2:1-2) "1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" Labor Hatred of Life (2:17) "17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Philosophy Emptiness (3:1-9) "1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. 9 What does the worker gain from his toil?" Eternity A lack of fulfillment (3:11) "11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Life Depression (4:2-3) "2 And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. 3 But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun." Religion Meaninglessness (5:7) "7 Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God." Wealth Trouble (5:12) "12 The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep." Existence Frustration (6:12) "12 For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?" Wisdom Despair (11:1-8) "1 Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. 2 Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land. 3 If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth. Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where it falls, there will it lie. 4 Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. 5 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed [a] in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. 6 Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well. Remember Your Creator While Young 7 Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. 8 However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. But let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless." What conclusions does the wise teacher make in each of the following passages in Ecclesiastes? 5:18-20, 8:15 and 12:13-14. If we chase the things that this world deems important, we will be tired, cynical and out of balance, or we can find hope during this season in the fact that meaning and enjoyment are part of the journey and we need not feel only guilt and failure. There is meaning and purpose to all we do when our life is centered on God and His help. Balanced Living – Definitions Guilt – 1) The act or state of having done a wrong or committed an offense 2. A painful feeling of self-reproach resulting from a belief that one has done something wrong. Failure – 1) A falling short, a losing of power or strength, a breakdown in operation or function, neglect or omission, not succeeding in doing or becoming. Contentment – Being happy enough with what one has or is; not desiring something more or different. Satisfied! Expectations – A looking forward to or anticipation; a looking for as due, proper or necessary, to look for as likely to occur, to suppose or presume. Expectations – Sorting through the thicket of our expectations is difficult but necessary. We all have expectations that we think come from other people but that really – often come from ourselves, and expectations from ourselves that we think are from other people. Worst of all, we not only try to meet and exceed these expectations, but we feel guilty when we don't. Many women approached motherhood thinking they are supposed to have an innate talent for being a woman and feel surprised and frustrated that motherhood is so difficult. They begin to label themselves failures – on a regular basis. There is a never- ending to-do list that becomes exhausting. We need to reexamine our priorities and redefine motherhood as something we both can do and want to do when we line this season up with the unique women and mothers we were designed to be. Happy mothers have realistic expectations. Unhappy mothers have untenable ones. We all need to work on lining up our expectations with reality. Jesus' Example – How did Jesus handle all the demands on His time? Read Mark 1:29-37 "29As soon as they left the synagogue, they went with James and John to the home of Simon and Andrew. 30Simon's mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and they told Jesus about her. 31So he went to her, took her hand and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on them. 32That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. 33The whole town gathered at the door, 34and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was. Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place 35Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. 36Simon and his companions went to look for him, 37and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Guilt is a driving force behind much of our exhaustion. We can say “yes” to too many “good” things and not enough “nos” to what will bring us rest and satisfaction. Every guilt-driven yes means a no to something else that is important. Every day holds only 24 hours. As gifted as we are at multitasking, there are concrete limits to what can get done in any given day. The result? - We pass through many days oblivious to the presence of God and find ourselves irritable with those we love. After Jesus visited Simon's home He healed many others as word got out but waking early the next morning, Jesus slipped away to a quiet place to be along with His Father. When the disciples came and said, “Everyone is looking for you” could you hear the intent to instill quilt? The people coming to Jesus had legitimate needs. Refusing to be guilt driven, Jesus chose to be Spirit-led. We are not called to meet every need that comes knocking at our door. The Example of the Olympics – Strive for Your Personal Best! Instead of 100% perfect. Even the gold medalists don't always have a perfect score. They miss, fall down – but they always keep going and try again. One hurdle during this season of motherhood is low self-esteem. The greatest enemy we will ever have is our “inner-me”. The perception we have of our self is sometimes more powerful than the reality of who we are – especially if we have given our lives to Christ. We are loved, gifted and empowered when we belong to Him. Our goal during this season is to have a winning mind-set to do our personal best. It's quite miraculous and very destructive, this ability of ours to feel guilty. Every day, at least in our own heads, we fall short of the goals that we've set for ourselves. And that makes us feel bad. Each day we wake up, run around all day, and then go to sleep with an endless litany of should'ves, could'ves, would'ves, and havetos. As a result, we live in our shortcomings, in a state of constant regret. Motherhood is above all else, about love, not performance. Some Easy Steps for Guilt-free Mothering 1. Take a look at your priorities. Ask yourself if you really need to do it all - everyday. You just can't keep everybody happy all the time. 2. Make sure you're focusing on the big things (Am I giving him enough hugs?), and let go of some of the small things that can make you crazy? (Did I get them the right toy?) 3. Ask yourself these questions: Is my guilt appropriate? Will I care, or will my child care, about this issue one year from now? Five years from now? How does this issue fit into the overall value structure of our family? 4. Start to recognize your personal triggers. Do you have a shorter fuse if you haven't eaten lunch? Are you impatient if you've slept badly? 5. Define yourself by your best moments, not your worst. Find one thing you did do right today and focus on that. 6. Figure out if your guilt is truly relevant. Every time you feel guilty, replace the word guilt with the word regret. For example, "I feel guilty for going to exercise class." Do you regret going to class? If not, then your guilt is unfounded. 7. If your guilt is founded, do what you need to do make amends and move on. There's no benefit in beating yourself up. 8. Don't buy into others' attempts to make you feel guilty. Make sure you're not being manipulated. 9. Stick to your limits. Consistently. If your rule is that your kids get 30 minutes of TV per day, allow them 30 minutes, and don't feel guilty saying no when they ask for more. Learn to accept the fact that you are going to be reponsible for many of your children's tears. 10. Realize that it's okay to have pleasure without guilt. Open yourself up to recognizing good-mom moments. Even the small things - like spending ten minutes of one-on-one time or reading a book together - matter. Lessons from Job
When I lost my son Jonathan after a really painful fight with cancer I read Philip Yancey's book "Disappointment with God" and was impacted with the response of a man described in the book to have sustained a good deal of suffering and loss. He was asked "What have you learned that might help someone else going through a difficult time?" He said he was never disappointed with God and I realized that I was not either, just shocked and confused. Here's what I learned from him and the book. I've learned, first through my own losses, not to confuse God with life. I have been as upset about what has happened to me as anyone could be but I feel free to curse the unfairness of life and to vent all my grief and anger. But I believe God feels the same way about my hurt and suffering. He is also grieved and angry. I don't blame God for what has happened. I have learned to see beyond the physical reality in this world to the spiritual reality. We tend to think "Life should be fair because God is fair." But God is not life. And if I confuse God with the physical reality of life - be expecting constant good health and no problems, no disasters - then I set myself up for a crashing disappointment. "God's existence even his love for me, does not depend on my good health or anyone else I love or earthquakes or disasters. Frankly, I've had more time and opportunity to work on my relationship with God during these times. If we develop a relationship with God apart from our life crises', then we may be able to hang on when the physical reality breaks down. We can learn to trust God despite all the unfairness of life. Our relationship with God can transcend from some kind of a "deal" with God to being able to follow Him even in hardship. If you read the Gospels you will find that Jesus never denied unfairness. When he encountered a sick person he never delivered a lecture about "accepting your lot in life." He healed. The Son of Man reacted to life's unfairness much like anybody else. When he met a person in pain, he was deeply moved with compassion. When his friend Lazarus died, he wept. When Jesus himself faced suffering, he recoiled from it, asking his Father three times if there was any other way. God responded to the question of unfairness in this world not with words but with a visit - by His son. The Cross that held Jesus' body naked and marked with scars, exposed all the violence and injustice and unfairness of this world. The Cross revealed what kind of world we have and what kind of God we have; a world of gross unfairness and a God of sacrificial love. Even people who find physical healing eventually die. We need more than miracles in this world. We need a new heaven and a new earth, and until we have those, unfairness will not disappear. In the first two chapters of Job there seems to be a "wager" made between God and Satan the devil whether Job - who was a righteous and upright man - would continue to trust in and believe in God if he had everything taken away from him. All of the trauma Job will experience traces back to a kind of "bet" placed by two cosmic powers. When people experience pain, questions spill out - the very questions that tormented Job for most of the rest of the Book of Job. Why me? What's going on? Does God care? Is there a God? This one time, in the raw recounting of Job's suffering and losses we - the onlookers - not Job - are granted a view behind the scene to see the supernatural activity normally hidden from us. God is not on trial in this book. Job is. The point of this book is not Job's suffering: Where is God when it hurts? The first two chapters answered that. The point is faith. Where is Job when it hurts. How is he responding? Is his faith based on the right "thing." "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." - Job 42:3 Why doesn't God Explain? Commenting on the book of Job in the Bible, Frederick Buechner sums up God's speech to Job. "God doesn't explain. He explodes. He asks Job who he thinks he is anyway. He says that to try to explain the kind of things Job wants explained would be like trying to explain Einstein to a little neck clam . . . God doesn't reveal his grand design, He reveals Himself. 1. Perhaps God keeps us ignorant because enlightenment might not help us. Knowing the cause doesn't alleviate the suffering or the feelings of despair and abandonment we feel in a crises. Knowledge is passive, intellectual; suffering is active and personal. No intellectual answer will solve suffering. Jesus' coming to this earth did not "solve" human suffering but at least it was an active and personal response to our need. Sometime "hard and fast answers to all the "Why" questions are, quite simply, out of reach. 2. Perhaps God keeps us ignorant because we are incapable of comprehending the answer. The unseen world exists outside our range of perception. Is God Silent? If God had delivered an inspiring pep talk to Job - "Do this for me, Job, as a Knight of Faith and we can prove to the devil that you love and trust me" - Job would have done that gladly - probably - but Satan had challenged Job's faith and whether his faith could survive without any outside help or explanation. Job eventually was able to say "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in him." The kind of faith God values seems to develp best when everything fuzzes over and when God does stay silent. Sometimes God silences are meant to show us what is in our heart. Many of the Old Testamenet characters show up on the honor roll of Hebrews 11 for their faith even they didn't always get what they wanted or died waiting for their answers. Saints become saints by somehow hanging on to the stubborn conviction that things are not as they appear, and that the unseen world is as solid and trustworthy as the visible world around them. God, as creator and sustainer of this world, deserves our trust. The definition of faith in Hebrews is "Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." God's favorites, especially God's favorites, are not immune from the bewildering times when God seems silent. As Paul Tournier said, "Where there is no longer any opportunity for doubt, there is no longer any opportunity for faith either." The Bible includes many proofs of God's concern-some quite spectacular - but no guarantees. A guarantee would, after all, preclude faith. Two Kinds of Faith First - the childlike gulp of faith, when a person swallows the impossible. Childlike trust may not survive when the miracle does not come. Sometimes circumstances require a hang-on-at-any-cost type of faith. A faith that involves learning to trust that despite the silence, God still reigns and has not abandoned us. Sometimes our deepest faith sprouts at a point of contradiction, like a blade of grass between stones. Human beings grow by striving, working, stretching - we see to need problems more than solutions. Spiritual disciplines are designed primarily for our sakes not for God's. Shortcuts usually lead away from growth, not toward it. "Faith like Job's cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken." We have little comprehension of what our faith means to God Ever since the Fall in the Garden of Eden God has made enormous efforts to reach us for relationship and trust. Ever since God took the "risk" of making room for free human beings, faith - true, unbribed, freely offered faith - has had an intrinsic value to God that we can barely imagine. There is no better way for us to express love to God than by exercising trust in Him. According to the Bible, human beings serve as the principal foot soldiers in the warfare between unseen forces of good and evil; and faith is our most powerful weapon. Job saw the darkest side of life, heard the deepest silence of God, and still believed. God did not exempt himself from the same demands of faith Because of Jesus, God understands how I feel. In one sense, God tied his own hands in the wager over Job; in the most literal sense, He let His hands be tied the night of the Crucifixion. The powerful faith expressed in the New Testament by the followers of Jesus was based on the suffering death of Jesus and His resurrection. When God seemed most silent and absent during those events he was closer than ever and at work to accomplish our salvation. The pattern was tragedy, darkness, triumph! The evils and sufferings that afflict our lives are so real and so significant to God that he willed to share them and endure them himself!!!! Despite the circumstances of this fallen and broken world God's Word tells us that "in all things we are more than conquerors" and that no amount of hardship can separate us from the love of God (Phillipians 3 and Romans 8) In the midst of the suffering Job concluded that "God assails me and tears me in his anger." We know from the Bible account that Job was mistaken. The first two chapters of Job makes the important distinction that God did not personally cause Job's problems. He permitted them, yes, but the account of the Wager presents Satan, not God, as the instigator of Job's suffering. Far from being abandoned by God, Job was getting direct, almost microscopic scrutiny from Him. While Job was putting his case before God, sharing his hurt and anger he was actually participating in a trial of cosmic significance - he was the main witness in a test of faith. By no means can we infer that our own trials are, like Job's, specially arranged by God to settle some decisive issue in the universe. But we can safely assume that our limited range of vision will, in similiar fashion, distort reality. Pain narrows vision. From Job, we can learn that much more is going on out there than we may suspect. If we can't comprehend the visible world we live in, how can we expect to comprehend a world we cannot even see? We human beings instinctively regard the seen world as the "real" world and the unseen world as the "unreal". The Bible calls for the opposite. Through faith, the unseen world increasingly takes shape as the real world and sets the course for how we live in the seen world. In I Corinthians 15 Paul reminds us that we should "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." The Bible never belittles human pain or disappointment - after all Job's anguish there was restoration. What we feel now or experience now in this world is temporary. Our suffering and disappointment is itself, a sign, an aching, a hunger for something better. God has promised eternal life in His Son - not a guarantee of freedom from suffering and loss in this world. He is with us, He sees, He cares. Build your relationship with Him, trust Him. An Undying Myth A persistent myth circulates among spiritually attuned people. It claims if we follow God's purpose and vision for us, we always wind up living happily ever after. No pain or disappointment. Just smooth sailing toward the afterlife. This myth persists because we want to believe it. We reason, "If God is good and perfect, can't He provide us with the good life? Doesn't He want to? The answer on both counts is "yes". He provided this perfect life in the Garden of Eden, but we foiled the plan. Because of our choice to sin, even redeemed humanity can't know perfection until we reach heaven. We sense that somewhere perfection was possible, and we live with the desire but not the capability to acquire seamless lives. Despite our wishes, Jesus said in the world we will experience trouble (John 16:33), and this trouble arrives in many forms. People say "Everything happens for a reason," but at times a justifiable cause is impossible to grasp. One of our Purposes in Life is to learn to Trust God Through Suffering "Through affliction He teaches us many precious lessons that otherwise we would never learn. By affliction He shows us our emptiness and weakness, draws us to the throne of His grace, purifies our affections, weans us from the world, and makes us long for heaven." - J.C. Ryle What is God after? His desire to conform us to the image of Christ and His ways of doing this are certainly opposite of our ways and our thinking. Why must we endure affliction and what should our response be to suffering? Endurance - "is not just the ability to beat or overcome a hard thing, but to turn it into something glorious" Suffering is equally necessary for us because it strips away the pretense that life is reasonable and good, a pretense that keeps us looking in all the wrong places for the satisfaction of our souls. Peter's first letter provides a helpful perspective on enduring trials and suffering. What truth's about God, His purpose in suffering, and our response to suffering can your find in 1 Peter 1:3-9? Praise to God for a Living Hope 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. "Perhaps the most valuable way we profit from adversity is in the deepening of our relationship with God. Through adversity we learn to bow before His sovereignty, to trush His wisdom, and to experience the consolations of His love, until we come to the place where we can say with Job, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." - Job 42:5 We begin to pass from knowing about God to knowing God Himself in a personal and intimate way." - Jerry Bridges God grieves with us and cares deeply about our broken hearts. Often He does not eradicate a difficulty - at least not immediately - but abides with us through it, whether or not we sense His presence. He longs to comfort and heal us, turning our ashes into beauty, our mourning into joy, our weakeness into praise. - Isiah 60: 1-3 What do the following verses say about God's presence and participation in our suffering? Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Matthew 28:20 "and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." John 14:16-17 "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you." II Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." According to these verses, how does God comfort us? Psalm 94: 17-19 17 Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. 18 When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. 19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Psalm 119:49-52 49 Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. 50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. 51 The arrogant mock me without restraint, but I do not turn from your law. 52 I remember your ancient laws, O LORD, and I find comfort in them. Isaiah 40:1 (These words were spoken to Isaiah) (What does God want us to do?) Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Jesus shares our suffering, He nurses us and heals us by His own wounds and stripes. As we go through our valleys, He keeps us constant company. And that is what makes the difference! Read Psalm 60 You have rejected us, O God, and burst forth upon us; you have been angry-now restore us! 2 You have shaken the land and torn it open; mend its fractures, for it is quaking. 3 You have shown your people desperate times; you have given us wine that makes us stagger. 4 But for those who fear you, you have raised a banner to be unfurled against the bow. Selah 5 Save us and help us with your right hand, that those you love may be delivered. 6 God has spoken from his sanctuary: "In triumph I will parcel out Shechem and measure off the Valley of Succoth. 7 Gilead is mine, and Manasseh is mine; Ephraim is my helmet, Judah my scepter. 8 Moab is my washbasin, upon Edom I toss my sandal; over Philistia I shout in triumph." 9 Who will bring me to the fortified city? Who will lead me to Edom? 10 Is it not you, O God, you who have rejected us and no longer go out with our armies? 11 Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. 12 With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies. Written by King David in the Old Testament during a difficult battle. He expected victory and success just because he belonged to God but notice how clear he makes it that the outward crisis was matched by inward confusion and shock? Can you describe a time when your circumstances did not appear to line up with what you knew was true about God? Read Psalm 46 1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. 5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. 6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. 7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah 8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields [b] with fire. 10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." 11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah "God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fail. God will help her at break of day. The nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall. He lifts His voice, the earth melts. The Almighty is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress. Be still and know that I am God." Identity
Some things to contemplate until our Bible Study at October's Steering Meetings on this topic of Identity: * We were one of a kind before having children and still are * Our goal during motherhood is to find ourselves in this adventure * Every person has an outlook on the world and on life - a way of looking at things, valuing things, judging things. Our perspective is some thing which we have learned. * Our Identity determines the way we feel about ourselves, our hope for the future and how we develop our talents and skills * Motherhood - Remain clear about the fact that this season is only one part of a whole life * We have many years to continue to contribute to our children - are we developing ourselves? * To gain right perspective in our Identity as believers in God we need to go to the Word of God for insight. Some questions to consider: * How has motherhood changed you? * As a child - what events and circumstances helped form you? * Which were the most significant influences? * What is the balance between who God made you to be as an individual and the responsibilities God has given you as a mother? * Read Ephesians 1:1-14 and circle "in Christ", "in Him", "in Himself", "in the Beloved" (who is Jesus), and "in whom"(when it refers to Jesus wherever they appear. "Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Spiritual Blessings in Christ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory." Think about what it means to be "in Christ." How would your being "in Christ" change the definition of who you are? List 5 words to describe yourself besides being a believer in God. If you have time and want to, write a short statement that explains how you see yourself as a woman not just a mom. The Bible teaches that raising children is "kingdom" work - eternal work for God Prayer: "What will it require of me Lord, to nurture the emotional, physical and spiritual well being of my children? I ask You, how do You want to transform ME in this process?" Read the following statements from the Bible and think about which ones mean the most to you. I am significant, acceptable, and secure because I am not "just" a mother. I am a gift from God to His son Jesus. * Jesus thanks his Father God for the gift of me John 17: 6, 24 "I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word." "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world." * I am God's handiwork Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." * I am loved by God Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." * I am God's child John 1:12 "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" 1 John 3:1-3 "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure." * I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins Colossians 1:14 " . . .in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." * I am complete in Christ Colossians 2:10 " . . .and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority." * I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be completed. Philippians 1:6 " . . . being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." * I am the salt of the earth Matthew 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." * I am the light of the world Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." * I am a branch of the true vine (Jesus) and a channel of his life John 15:1, 5 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener." "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." * I am a personal witness for Christ Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." * I am God's temple (His dwelling place) 1 Corinthians 3:16 "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?" * I am a member of Christ's body (the church) 1 Corinthians 3:9 "For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building." 1 Corinthians 12:27 "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." * I am God's co-worker 1 Corinthians 3:9 "For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building." 2 Corinthians 6:1 "As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain." * I am a saint Ephesians 1:1 "Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus: . . ." * I am a citizen of heaven Ephesians 2:6 "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus . . ." Philippians 3:20 "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ . . ." * I am Christ's friend John 15:15 "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." * I am born of God 1 John 5:18 "We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him." * I am never alone Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." * I cannot be separated from the love of God Romans 8:35 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?" * I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (spiritual fruit from the good works we do in His name for others) John 15:16 "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." * I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." * I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit Ephesians 2:18 "For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit." Motherhood can become a delight that we are able to share with our children, rather, than a demand we shoulder as best we can. When Jesus is Lord and Savior in our life we are able to accept our "Gift Identity". We are able to reject the identities that come along with relationships, responsibilities, roles and objects - we can begin to live the Identity that we have been given by God as a free gift and as a result of our trust and faith in what He has done for us. Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." In the book of Isaiah 49:15-16 "See, I will not forget you . . . I have carved you on the palm of My hand. I have called you by your name. You are mine. You are precious to Me. I love you." You are loved by God - that can be part of your identity! Identity and Growth
Experiencing the Transformations of Motherhood Of course a mother gives up a lot for her child: blood, sleep, tears, not to mention time, money, and peace of mind. But a mother must not feel obliged to give up herself. Not unless she wants to raise a motherless child." The fact that we find mothering more difficult than we had imagined is a truth of the female experience that can be hard to talk about. Society's expectations of us and our own expectations of ourselves are so different from our actual experience. * We are handcrafted by God * We are uniquely made * We are transformed by Him as we trust in His sovereignty and receive the blessings He bestows on us through this experience of mothering, It's not only that children in general are a blessing, but, that the specific children God sends to us are given as His blessings for our lives. It is quite a paradox to find that an area where we have struggled so deeply has become one of our deepest sources of joy and pride. Mothering requires us to confront levels of selfishness and pride that might have been otherwise left unchallenged. The experience of being a mother has called us to new levels of faith and perseverance that might have otherwise gone unexplored. We get to see our character deficiencies surface as we relate to our children and it provides a great opportunity-not for failure-but for growth. Recognizing that God is the Source of our children's lives is foundational to understanding the magnitude and the privilege it is to be a parent and the growth it brings to us! The original bad Self-image The Bible tells us that Satan is the enemy of our souls. He does not wish for us to know who we really are and why we are here. He rebelled against the reason God created him. He was not created in God's image, as we are, he was to be an angel. He did not love nor accept himself as God loved and accepted him. He was not satisfied with himself at all and it was that sin of his that led our original mother, Eve, to question God's love for her and reasons for being created. When Eve chose to leave the Garden of Eden- yes she did choose by her disobedience-she walked out with a shattered image. She was less than she was meant to be, because she chose to leave the Source and Maker of her life. The sure foundation of self-esteem is the knowledge that before, during and after life with a husband, children, career or even a youthful and physically able body, we are created to reflect God's character, to love Him and have honest, intimate communications with Him. God's purposes for our lives include our roles, but go beyond those identities. As Christians our identity should be rooted in God's unconditional love for us. He has given us gifts and resources to make a unique contribution to our world. When we work in partnership with Him we bring Him honor as we become all He created us to be. The School of Soul Care Most of us would never neglect our bodies but with this shattered image we've inherited we suffer from the neglect of our souls. We experience much discontentment in so many areas during our mother experience. Perhaps we need to live as if Jesus cared for more than just our bodies. The School of Soul Care specializes in the everlasting and the unseen. As we build up our own souls we also contribute the best for our children. Our souls are not some ghostly things. They are who we are now. I don't just have a soul, like I have curly hair; I am my soul. My soul is me- with all it's abilities and experiences, memories, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, introspections, desires, choices and sensations. All of these capacities make us the image bearers of God. Our thoughts become our soul's transportation. When a thought gets more evidence, it grows up and becomes a belief. Our beliefs become our worldview and dictate how we live our days. Read 2 Corinthians 5: 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! Christ sets us free to be the "me" that God always wanted me to be. Read Ephesians 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. Speaks of being "near" and "far away" because of our faith in Jesus. - Near what? Far away from what? - How do you go from being far away to being near? - What does being near mean when you are doing the everyday things of life? - When do you find yourself most near to God? Most far away? - What might help you stay near God more of the time? Read 2 Corinthians 4:7-18 7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[a]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - Why do you think Paul likens you to a clay jar? - What is the treasure he speaks of? - How are you "wasting away"? Physically, emotionally mentally? Other ways? - Those are outward things. What's happening to you inwardly because you are "in Christ"? - Where does Paul tell us to fix our eyes? - How does fixing your eyes on Jesus help you discover the person you really are? Many of the people in your life define you by only one or two parts of the whole you. You may not see much of anything clearly right now but God's Word helps us have the assurance that, though we don't know everything fully-including yourself- you are fully known by God. The Four Seasons of Marriage Life is full of unanticipated changes. The manner in which couples process these changes will determine the quality of their marriages. The interweaving of our emotions, attitudes, and actions creates the quality of our relationship during any of these seasons of marriage. Emotions must lead to reason, and reason must be guided by truth if we are to take constructive action. Winter - "Just as most people wouldn't lie down in the snow and wait to die, there's no reason to passively accept the coldness of a wintry season in marriage. There is always a way out, and it begins with hope." Spring - "Change is perceived as an opportunity for new beginnings, and springtime couples fully expect to make the best of those opportunities." Summer - "If our marriage is in the season of summer, we will share a deep sense of commitment and satisfaction. And we will feel secure in each other's love . . . Summer does not equal perfection, but it does mean that couples in this season have a sense of accomplishment and a desire to keep growing." Fall - "It takes both spouses to move a marriage from Fall to Spring, but it takes only one to move from Fall to Winter. The way we think and actions we take make all the difference." The Essential Nature of Marriage - Committed, United, Intimate, Purposeful, Complementary. Husbands and wives were designed by God to complement each other. Our marriage relationship can enhance the effectiveness with which we serve God and raise our children. Question - What brings most couples to the Winter season of Marriage? Strategies to Enhance the Seasons of Your Marriage 1. Deal with past failures. Why is it important to look at our own failures first when dealing with past hurts And the heavens proclaim his righteousness, for God himself is judge. - Psalm 50:6 O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life. You have seen, O LORD, the wrong done to me. Uphold my cause! - Lamentations 3:58-59 This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. - Zechariah 7:9 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. - Matthew 7:2-5 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God "will give to each person according to what he has done."To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. - Romans 2:1-7 It isn't always easy to let go of hurts; in fact, sometimes it's very difficult. Love, however, "keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5) 2. Choose A Winning Attitude "The most common mistake couples make is allowing negative emotions to dictate their behavior" True or False? Discuss Circumstances are neutral - or at least common. It's not what happens to us but how we interpret them. True or False? Discuss Characteristics of a Christian Worldview Every human being is made in the image of God and is therefore extremely valuable. Each person is uniquely gifted by God (including the mentally and physically challenged) Each person has a unique role to play in life Marriage is God's idea. Husbands and wives are intended to complement each other. The object of marriage is to glorify God by serving one's spouse and helping the spouse reach his or her God-given potential. How do you think these characteristics foster a positive attitude? For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. - Romans 14:17-19 How can these verses be applied to marriage? 3. Maximize Your Differences "After 30 years of counseling married couples, I am convinced there are no irreconcilable differences, only people who refuse to reconcile . . . When each spouse recognizes and affirms the other's uniqueness, the differences themselves weld the couple into an unbeatable team." Four Steps to Maximize Your Differences * Identify your differences * Look for assets in your differences * Learn from your differences * Replace condemnation with affirmation Think about what irritates you about your spouse in an area where you are different. Why do these things irritate you? What differences do these irritations reveal? In most cases, the reason we get irritated is because your spouse doesn't do something the way you would do it. How does this idea correspond to our human tendency to be egocentric? Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. - Romans 14:19 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29 And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. - 2 Timothy 2:24 Discuss how these truths offer wisdom for maximizing our differences. Emotions make " . . . wonderful servants, but terrible masters" - Dallas Willard "And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. - Colossians 3:10-17 We might know that Jesus can make all things new, but perhaps we haven't trusted him for it. If we feel alone, perhaps we haven't fully seen the power we have been given and the Man on the journey with us. "I asked Jesus to transform the abused, embarrassing, dishonest understanding I had of submission. I asked Jesus to show me how He would submit. And He redeemed the idea for me, not by removing the task, but by showing me how God is made great when I bend my knee" -from Ruby Slippers by Jonalyn Grace Fincher |
 Paula VanDerlyn and hubby. MentorEvery month our MOPS mentor Paula VanDerlyn works hard to prepare a bible study based on the MOPS theme for the steering committee. We start our planning meetings with this study to focus us on what is really important.. Archives
September 2011
CategoriesAbout the Author"Even tho my children are all grow, my care giving job is not over. |
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